1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
