Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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