now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
