all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
