Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The feeling are messing with the penis
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
