Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
