i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
