There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
