my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
And then my night got REAL pukey
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
