My hand turned me down
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
