I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
the condom got lost in my hair
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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