I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
