Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
