I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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