I think I just saw someone hide a body.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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