I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
All I want is dick and wine.
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