maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
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A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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