my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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