please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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