i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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