dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
