That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
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I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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