don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The best revenge is premature balding
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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