he puts the penis in happiness.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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