Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
