I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
