Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
