I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
