Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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