Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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