I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Randomize
