I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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