there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
