sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
