Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
nutella sex= disaster
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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