i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
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