New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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