I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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