I can text with my tongue
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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