4 words: hood of his car
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You were trust falling into bushes
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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