The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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