All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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