i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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