And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
