He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
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I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
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IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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