i barfeds in our rink
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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