I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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