how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
