careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
