I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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