If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
