He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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