just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
