When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
