her vagine was all disorganized.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
