Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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