Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
