porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
