Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It's never too late to be topless.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
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