I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
