I wish I could teleport
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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