If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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