Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
cat food counts as protein by the way
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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