LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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