At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
