I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
