: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(