He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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