Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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