I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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