She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
