new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
