And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
